Can Gay people make it rain?

gay marriage rainAnswer: yes they can.

If you come from Britain or have tuned into any of our news services you’ll have heard that it’s been raining recently. It’s been raining a lot – indeed a place in a place called Somerset it’s been raining so much that much of it has started to resemble the set of a Kevin Cosner blockbuster.

People have been wondering what might have caused the rain. Some believe it’s down to global warming; others that it’s winter and this kind of thing happens almost every year. But the most memorable answer came from a leading member of the UK Independence party, who argued that the recent deluge might be down to a surplus of gay people.

For those who do not know it, UKIP is new party on the UK political map. It’s a kind of extreme offshoot of the conservative party which itself is an extreme offshoot of normal people – and as a result its members often say surprising things. One of these was David Sylvester who argued that the rain was a sign of God’s anger about Gay marriage.

Sparking debate

His anger has been sparked by an ongoing debate that has been ringing around the UK and indeed the world for much of the past year or so – should gay people be allowed to marry? This prospect has alarmed many people especially in the religious community for whom rampant homophobia has always been a core part of their belief structure.

These opponents have a problem. We live in a world in which it has become more or less socially unacceptable to admit to being homophobic. So, rather than say they oppose it, because the thought of two hair men having what my Grandma used to bizarrely refer to as ‘bum fun time’, makes their skin crawl they have to come up with another reason and for many that is there faith. It’s not me who doesn’t like the gays, they say, it’s my God – the magic sky wizard who created the world in seven days.

For some, though, even that reason seems a little flimsy and they’ve come up with other, more practical reasons such as this:

“If gay people can marry,” they say, “where will it end? What’s to stop someone having multiple marriages – or even shacking up with their livestock.”

It’s an interesting point and raises considerable difficulties for everyone – not least wedding ushers.

“Good afternoon sir are you with the bride, bride, bride, or groom?”

Or even priests: “Do you take this man to be your lawful wedded husband?
– “Baaaah!”

So the debate continued like this for a while until the mainstream media slowly began to lose interest, but My Sylvester smartly kept it topical by linking it to the weather. This sparked widespread criticism even from his own party, who described him as being “too bat shit crazy even for us” before expelling him from the party.

But, amongst all the fuss, did he have a point? Google seems to think so and provides this article as proof. It comes from the Guardian, normally a stoic defender of civil liberties, which draws upon basis meteorological laws to support Sylvester’s point.

According To Dean Burnet, some types of rain are caused by increased levels of heat, which could be sparked by an increase in the number of weddings caused by a tenth of the population suddenly being allowed to tie the knot.

“Logically, same-sex marriage leads to an increase in the number of weddings. Weddings invariably involve a large number of people congregating in one place, which leads to a lot of body heat and warming, and this heat enters the atmosphere, increasing the air temperature and producing more warm fronts,” he writes.

So the argument appears to be clear. David Sylvester may seem like an ignorant, narrow minded bigot to many, but he is, it turns out, just an amateur weather expert trying to make a point. And without the expertise of Google, nobody would have ever known.

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